Not East Canyon

So right now I’m on vacation with all my family. Except that I’m not. I had to come home with Mr. T, my 12 year old, who is sick with pig-chimney ah..ah..I mean swine flu. ‘Tis true. The other 14 members of the fam are at “Not East Canyon” (which I shall explain in a minute), eating, laughing, playing, eating, being regaled by the shrieks (mostly of laughter) of 6 smalls in an enclosed place, eating, and we can’t forget the swimming, except they are not swimming because it feels like early April outside!

I’m feeling very sorry for myself as I nurse my own sore throat and cough along with Mr. T. who is currently sitting in the living room with an ice bag on his sorry little head. This is certainly a vacation to write home about…ah…write at home about?

So why is it called “Not East Canyon”? My folks got time shares at the real true East Canyon about 25 years ago. It is a nice resort about 40 min. east of Salt Lake, complete with swimming pools, tennis courts, mini-golf area, lake, and now – it even has its own resident Nazi. For 20 years we spent roughly 10 days a year enjoying ourselves immensely but then Carole The Manager ate something that didn’t agree with her and she has been off her cookies ever since. She went from a benign presence to an evil dictator and has made our most recent visits - - colorful?

On our last trip, one of her minions pounded on our door and YELLED, colorfully, for about 10 minutes because said Mr. T. had filled the garbage too full. Then the guy kicked the fam out of the hot tub 15 minutes before it was to shut down because, “The &%*# clock is set wrong”. When I complained at having my kids sworn at and a clock that runs slow, Herr Carole said, “That’s just the way it is”. The tennis courts are locked at all times, “So unauthorized people don’t play” but then they lost the keys. “No kids on scooters, No playing in the lodge, No walking on the lawns, No laughter" (OK, I exaggerate, but only slightly). And then she had the unmitigated gall to ask, in apparent surprised innocence, “Can you believe some people want to get rid of me?” YES I CAN!!

So my kids, because the Nazi doesn’t look like she’s going anywhere, bought their own time shares elsewhere. It doesn’t really matter where - its just “Not East Canyon” and there we all are, having great fun, except for those of us who aren’t.